Back-2-Basics: Relationships – Intimacy & Sex Part 1

Intimacy

“Trust Makes Vulnerability possible. Lack of trust makes it impossible” (Cole, pg.45)

It is often difficult to talk about one’s level of intimacy with others, because in our minds, intimacy equates to Sex. But the truth is, in any relationship, there are levels of intimacy that occur. TRUST is at the core of our interpretation of LOVE. In fact, in order to give oneself away fully, there has to be a level of trust that has been established by extensive experience with someone. This experience is what provides us with healthy perspective.

Healthy Perspective is everything. 

 

TRUST leads to SUBMISSION.

Jesus said in John 14:15 If you LOVE me you will obey what I say – this level of Love has its origin in Obedience, and establishes a strong unbreakable level of Trust through submissive obedient experience. The provisions of this love are, Identity, security, and Stability (Cole, pg.46), which are key for developing a solid relationship. From Submission, Jesus says, we are able to receive (Believe Him) the Spirit of Truth, a helper who dwells in us forever.

Submission (Honey Pot) is at the core of Intimacy, which leads to unity. Often the great struggle in Intimacy between two people is:

 

Unity

The primary reason why we struggle to be unified in Relationship or marriage is because we are selfish.  The example of Christ selflessness should be enough for us to reconcile in our mind, will and emotions the need for Submission – but, the truth is, it does not work that way. In fact, the only way we get to a place of unity between two individuals with individual personalities, likes, dis-likes, wants, needs etc. is the practice of selflessness.  By practice, I mean we intentionally go against our need to be right, have our way, and submit to each other in life, so that unity exist.

 

Our Words and Actions play a profound role in Unified Relationship and Intimacy. 

Words

Our words will either increase the bonds of Unity, or destroy the Unity we have in marriage, causing our spouse to put up a protective wall in order to guard against future attacks.

As a married man, and a man with a strong personality, I know first hand the level at which my words effect the Unity between my wife and I. Early in marriage, Holly and I would have a dis-agreement, in which my focus would be on one solitary thing, winning the argument! In fact, I would be so focused on winning that I didn’t even care what we were in dis-agreement about, I just wanted to win at any cost, even if it meant manipulation. Holly always called my bluff though. My need to be right and for her to see that my way was right, caused me to literally lose my mind, saying things that I would regret – saying things that would cause Holly to build a wall of hardness to guard against being hurt.

 

The Wall

I knew that Holly loved me, but the wall that she built for protection, was affecting other areas of our marriage. No matter what I did over the years, my words would continue to serve as another layer or brick in that wall which would effect our communication and intimacy as a couple. As a male, there is truly something to be said for getting rid of the ego and humbly submitting yourself in the areas you know you carry pride and un-renewed thinking. The unfortunate truth is, all the sorry in the world will not cure or pull down a wall built by a spouse – only prayerful change in attitude and action will soften the heart of your spouse and bring unity back into the relationship – even then, this takes time. If time was and has been spent building a wall, then it will take time to see it torn down. Understand, that praying alone, does not fix the problem. If you and I are not willing to listen to and believe our spouse about the legitimacy of their pain, then we will not be able to hear Gods Spirit when he tries to lead us into the words that he knows will keep us in Unity.

 

Remember, that as believers, the level at which we are submitted to Gods Spirit, will come-out in the level at which submit to our spouse, and in other relationships. You may think you are submitted to Gods Spirit, but the reality is, you are not as submitted as you think you are, if you remain selfish in relationship.

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